1. Evidently I am capable of crying at most inconvenient times.
I think I am keeping it all together. I know I have access to God’s immovable strength. So why am I so often reduced to an insecure puddle of tears? Yes. I am afraid. And it is ok.
2. Don’t ignore the elephant in room.
Say something. Acknowledge what I am thinking about anyway … that I have breast cancer. Saying almost anything is better than ignoring it. When it’s not acknowledged I second guess myself … I wonder if I am making a bigger deal out of this than I should be. I wonder if it all really matters, if I really matter.
3. My own vulnerability is very uncomfortable.
Admitting that I am afraid, that I can’t do this alone, that my dreams have been shaken … well, it’s just hard. I want a plan. And I want that plan to progress as expected. But my plans have been shaken up. It’s inconvenient. It’s disrespectful. And it just kind-of stinks.
4. My family is stronger than I ever expected … and they really, really love me.
I was really concerned about how my kids were going to deal with this. But guess what? They are strong! I know they are afraid, I know they don’t understand it all (newsflash: neither do I!), but
I have been completely overwhelmed by their strength. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me, they all have strong faith in our awesome God. I know that’s where their strength is coming from, but it’s so amazing to watch. I have been completely overwhelmed by the strength, and love, my family and friends have shown.
5. Trust what and I know to be True.
Whether I am feeling vulnerable and insecure, dissolving into a puddle of tears, swallowing my emotions to stay strong, or being overwhelmed by the love and support of family and friends … I will trust the only One Who is Truth and Who is my Rock. He is the only Truth that will outlast all medical opinions, every alternative treatment, any emotion, every insecurity, and all tears. God’s promises are true. His faithfulness is priceless. I may be shaken. I may be vulnerable. I may even be afraid. But I will not be moved. I have faith in a good God, Who loves me beyond imagination, and has a good plan for me – which in some way yet to be seen, includes this bump in the road, this fight against breast cancer. I will not just endure, but will praise Him through it all, and watch how He uses it for His glory.